I’m pretty sad right now. I’ve been on this intentional health and wellness journey since mid February partly at the hands of my doctor but mostly voluntarily and I’ve been thuggin it out for the past few weeks or so but today I’m very irritable at the whole process.
I’ve always considered myself to be healthy but within the last few weeks I had the hard discovery that I haven’t been kind to myself for a long time and my body is starting to rebel against me. Like when you know you need new brakes and you keep riding on them because you just didn’t have time to get to the car shop, or you just kept putting it off and one day, they slide just a lil too much instead of stopping when you press them and then you’re forced to go to the mechanic.
Yeah, I’m there. Life has slowed me all the way to where I’m at the mechanic. I’m still adamant about a hard reset and it’s been difficult to stay consistent; disciplined and hopeful at seeing the long term benefits.
I’ve quit everything bad , and anything that stimulates my mind body and soul in the same way a drug would and I feel like I’m in withdrawal. I hate it here.
But today I was thinking about the Bible and how God put his most faithful servants in places that forced them to depend on him. He put Daniel in the lions den, Jonah in the whales mouth, Job in the midst of trials and tribulations but he brought each and every one of them out and that’s where I am. I definitely feel like I’m in a whales mouth waiting to be spit out. And the thing is, I know I’ll be spit out, I just don’t know when.
I’ve run from myself for so long. I’ve mothered everybody except for myself for years and circumstances have now forced me to re-align my focus to myself. And this time, God said- NO DISTRACTIONS !
Did I mention that I hate it here?
One thing for sure is that God eventually intervenes. He may allow you to stay in muck and mud just long enough to see if you’re going to fold on him and lose faith in what you know he can accomplish but he will show up and I’m leaning on that in this new chapter of my life.
There’s never been a time where God didn’t show up for me how he showed up for Job after he lost everything and grieved his sons and dealt with skin ailments. Even when Job was bitter and discouraged as I am right now, he didn’t stay there. He recognized Gods infinite power and stood steadfast in what he knew God to do and God showed up for him.
I’m in this incredible transition phase of life and although I’ve been through a million of them, this one is different and just writing this serves as a reminder to me of my own perseverance, tenacity, faith and optimism that I’ll be on the other side soon. I’m going to continue to be obedient to God, submit to the universe and allow everything to come together in perfect timing. The path that God has called me to, he will be with me. Knowing that is reassuring
Joy is coming, that I know for sure
Introverted and anti-social 