My superpower is that I will take my energy back immediately. I will call it back ASAP. Like a vacuum. I will suck all my energy back up with full force and it’ll be as though I never even existed.Clean break, like that freshly vacuumed carpet. Lol.
As a former people pleaser and chaser, the best thing I could’ve ever done for myself was to recognize the power of detachment. I move on from things that don’t serve me. I don’t stick around hoping that situations or people change. I acknowledge and accept that people have free will and will often and more than likely do what they want and I let them. And I let them, without them owing me an explanation. Understanding that people do what they want is explanation is enough for me.
As women, we’ve been conditioned to give so much of ourselves often getting back crumbs or bare minimum. We overextend ourselves in the workplace for recognition, we give too much of ourselves in relationships hoping to be noticed and have our efforts reciprocated, we’re superwomen at home, balancing our own lives while actively maintaining the livelihoods of our families, whole time we’re running on empty. We have this seemingly innate desire to want to show up everywhere for everyone and it’s not conducive to our well being at all. We’re attached to an identity of what a successful woman is and how she shows up.
Stop, just stop ✋🏾. That’s something I had to tell myself. Stop! I am not and don’t want to be everything to everyone and I’m no longer self-sacrificing myself for things that don’t have a high return on investment.
Getting my life together was a huge shift changer for me in my journey to detachment. I’ve worked on myself for so long, that I elevated above anything that forced me to have to chase, be over accommodating or to overextend myself.(especially in hopes of being chosen for anything) After doing my own inner work and realizing that things flow to me effortlessly and the universe is always conspiring for me to have what I want, it became so much easier to flow and not force a thing. I surrender to the experience with an awareness that everything and everyone is just that, an experience. Not ours in ownership or something that we have to cling to. This understanding allows detachment to be easier and a lot more graceful.
People often confuse detachment with nonchalance or indifference but it’s not that. I can care deeply for a person or situation but I have removed/detached myself from the outcome. I no longer obsess over what happens. I know that I can only control myself. That job that I want? I know that my qualifications make me the best candidate but I cannot control whether the recruiter chooses my application nor can I control whether or not the hiring manager likes me after an interview. As long as I’ve shown up as my best, authentic self, I give way to God to do the rest with a keen understanding that what’s for me will never pass me.
I operate in that manner in every area of my life. I know my inherent worth and I don’t force it upon people. They see/feel it and they can choose to engage me or not. And if they don’t, I don’t take it as a personal slight to myself. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok and very few people are mine. I don’t move through the world forcibly sprinkling my energy around anyway. It’s for the people that intentionally want to experience it and can offer up something meaningful in return to me.
Having any sort of unhealthy attachment albeit, anxious or insecure about things will most definitely repel and that’s one of the most valuable things I learned. An unhealthy attachment to anything oozes low self-esteem and low self worth and people pick up on that. It’s flat out unattractive. It will easily allow people to make withdrawals from your energy currency and not make a single deposit in return. As a woman, you’re wondering why he never texts you back after you double and triple texted him? It’s because your neediness is acting as a repellent. You could’ve just sprayed RAID on yourself and went outside. You cannot force someone to reciprocate your desire, attention or attraction, you can just show up as your true, genuine self and if they fuck with it, great and if they don’t, that’s great too. Rejection is often protection from something any way and the faster you accept that, the easier and more palatable life will become for you. Learning how not to abandon yourself in the pursuit of not being abandoned by others is the cheat code.
So how do you practice detachment? You get some business about yourself. Find a way to re-center your energy back to yourself. Be too invested in what you have going on to attach your energy on to anything that’s not mutual or reciprocal. We know when a person isn’t feeling us, sending all those texts asking about their day or just wanting to insert yourself in their energy isn’t going to make them like you. If you’re too busy focusing on yourself and things you got going on whether it be your work, your hobbies, your friends, personal development or even just your alone time you don’t have the time to notice or care that this person is dry texting you or you take the hint real quickly and you remove yourself from the equation. By focusing on yourself you don’t have time for the constant contact, check ins and chasing that leaves you feeling rejected and empty when it’s not reciprocated. Giving people more of what they already don’t want is not going to magically make them want whatever you’re giving. (Ouch, that’s such a painful realization) Removing yourself is the key to detachment. Attachment is keeping you tethered to people and situations. When your value and self worth is bound to the approval and neediness of others- that is unhealthy attachment. You have the power to break that.
Detach babes.
Introverted and anti-social 